Fuck Me!
- Tuesday Oct 11,2005 12:07 PM
- By admin
- In general nonsense
No really, fuck me.
You see, I’m not one to mince words. And, well, desperate times call for desperate measures.
Allow me to explain. I’m a bit boy-crazy these days. My mind is a-swirl with fanatasies and unimaginable scenarios. My fantasies almost never involve any of the following:
- flowers
- caressing
- holding-hands
- looking into each others eyes longingly
- slow kissing
- long heart-felt conversations
- poetry
- massages
- or any kind of long drawn out seductions
I want nothing to do with any of that. And I know I’m not alone in this one. Please, don’t send me sweet emails, whisper gently in my ear, take me out for fancy dinners, or leave me notes on the bedside table.
Now that we’ve got all that out of the way I think we can proceed.
Here are the rules for dating me:
- hot, sweaty, rip-my-clothes-off, up-against-the-wall, outta control sex
Um, no other rules really come to mind, but I’ll be sure to add them when I think of them. Here’s the major problem I have encountered in my pursuit. Men. That’s right, you heard me. Men. It seems you guys want all kinds of romantic accoutrements like a relationship, a commitment and, god forbid, to have kids. This, my friends, is the sad truth. There are no more good lays out there. These guys are looking for wives. And, well, I’m just not the marrying kind.
So what’s a girl to do?
I could post an ad on Craigslist’s “casual encounters” but the anonymous sex with a stranger thing kinda creeps me out. I could call up my male friends, but most of them are attached or single and a bit too ‘emotionally available’, if you know what I mean. There’s always my ex’s, but well, that’s just asking for trouble. I could befriend as many men as possible and wear them down with hypnosis, “You are getting tired, you do not want a relationship, you want an all-night hump-fest, now when I snap my fingers you will have an erection.”
Snap.
85 Comments
No Poetry?! What are we, animals?
Aim young. Show me a twenty-one year old looking for marriage and I’ll show you a liar.
*Looks over at girlfriend*
Shiiiiiiiiiit.
Mike, that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all week.
Completely ridiculous. I don’t what kind of guys you are meeting, but I spent many years trying to get away from girls that wanted more than the occasional hump-fest. It always starts off cool, but after about 3 romps, you gals quickly start pushing for a more formal relationship.
If that’s what you REALLY want, just say it up front. I don’t know too many guys that would object to such a relationship. It will allow them to get their rocks off ferquently while simultaneously looking for a girl that they would actually want to do more with than just fuck.
So how much is a JetBlue flight…?
Stick to married men. They (usually) aren’t looking for a relationship, and will probably ask when and where. Some may just ask you to bend over a convenient waist-high object, rip your clothing out of the way (you didn’t want that thong, did you?) and take care of your problem. And theirs, now that you snapped your fingers.
Yet another example of women treating men like a piece of meat.
Sickening, really.
Oh my god! Where were you about 4 years ago. Sigh.
First of all, I work hard for my money. I want to look good, so I buy nice clothes at nice stores like Bloomingdale’s and Nordstrom. I don’t care what type of sex is involved, even with someone like you Meme — no one is ripping off my clothes and getting it all creased, or worse — making a button fall off and roll under the bed, where it is so dark it is impossible to find it again. If you do want sex, I will be glad to oblige. But only after I carefully undress and hang my nice clothes on a wood hanger. (do not invite me over if you only have plastic or metal hangers — that would make me lose my erection immediately).
neil works hard for his money.
so hard for it, honey.
Finally, a girl like mom. When can we hookup?
Hey, you had your chance a couple weeks ago, baby …
Sounds like an excellent cause, count me in.
I’ve met some guys that can adhere to The Rules.
But! The catch is that they’re dumb, dull, and immature. I don’t know about you, but I’m not all too fond of letting assholes fuck me — nor am I fond of him telling his friends “Uh, dude, I totally hit that” afterwards.
As a guy said before, married men almost meet the requirements…if only they weren’t married. I’m not saying I am innocent in this matter, but it’s tops the evil of all evils chart. Especially if they have kids.
Ah, it’s a lose/lose deal at this point. Maybe guys 21-25 are going through some sort of phase that they’ll get over soon. A short lived “must find a girl to marry” period. I can only wish.
Pierce: Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, If you come over I’ll be your Blowjob Queen too.
Mike, oh Mike…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA (That’s goes for you too, Shawn)
Keith, just don’t expect me to pick you up at the airport.
Um, Neil, I only have wooden hangers, but I’m afraid you’d be wasting precious time with your neurosis.
Now now Bill, that’s just creeping me out.
Oh Dash! I was a fool, forgive me.
Alby, you’re on.
Listen to me Andrea…I know thy’re out there…I just have to believe.
*Ahem* I’m available. I said I’m Available! I said I’M AVAILABLE!!!
Holy crap, where do I go to meet people like you?
Why aren’t there more women like you in the world?
fuck a chick. really. it works.
Oh, sweet freaking jebus.
I need to stop reading blogs.
Where are all you people? Why don’t I know any of you in real life.
[sulks away muttering curses.]
Yes, it kinda creeped me out too. But, it made me laugh! Thank heaven for your server issues. My original comment alluded to testicles and onion dip. On reflection, I’m glad I didn’t post it.
Larry Borsato Says:
Stick to married men.
Tried that, doesn’t work. He got stuck and is now showering in my shower…
Such a warm post.
I’ll get off the pulligan before get in fire.
What did you eat before write the post? Hot cockyes? Pardon cookies.
Good post.
I’m yet astonished yet.
Blowjob. A new word for for my small… vocabulary.
Nice day, meme
Emma, you need to put a disclaimer on your door:
Sex only - no cohabitation thanks.
Meme:
There is something to be said for a nice hunky houseboy. They are always around when you aren’t attached otherwise. And, keep list of fuckdate material.
Gentlemen:
You apparently haven’t been looking in the right places.
S-
snap your fingers?……….I always have an erection
ok chris…i’ll be over at 7.
please don’t wear anything too complicated.
There are people out there that believe the whole relationship model is dated. Just doesn’t work. We wanna take it easy. We want sex with a bunch of people. I fucking hate romantic shit lately. Always seems to end in misery.
I was just beginning to think this wasn’t a girl thing though. Most I know are romance freaks. I changed my mind.
Let me know when you get back from chris’ place…
read it
Click
or leave it.
thx 4 the tip… i’ll definitely be reading this as well as Anapol’s book which was usefully recommended by amazon’s computer brain (and it’s readers =).
Hi Meme, this is my first time checking this blog out. I sort of ‘fell’ for the title of this post.
Ehh… Like… I’m from Sweden right. We’re supposed to be, like, very sexually open and stuff. Well, this guy called Ingmar Bergman and some other people made a lot of black and white movies during the 50’s and 60’s where sexual frustration was a major influence and theme. That’s why.
Well… That’s 40 years ago and we’ve gone back to the sexual frustration again.
Give me a call next time in Sweden? Okey?
Cheers, David!
Sigh…I will not pretend that I understand what women think. Femal friends tell me that they want a lover. Most of the girls I know tell me they want a guy who treats them right.
Then I read posts like this. Which one is real?
The problem with guys is that they always think that what’s in their heads is the actual reality. For example, this one guy I fucked twice and really liked to fuck freaked out when I called him for a third encounter. He just couldn’t believe that the sex was the main course, instead he told me he didn’t want a relationship and backed off.
I mean, WTF?! You conceited son of a bitch, I hope you never fuck again.
And BM, you’re kidding, right? If not, here’s a lesson for ya: They’re all real. Contrary to popular belief women are not all the same. Most of my female friends appreciate casual sex, but there are also those who want a male to spoon and breed with. The sad thing is that the latter have somehow set the agenda, hence my failed fuck buddy relation.
What’s a girl to do, hope for the next generation? Gawd I sure hope they like elderly women.
Btw I just found girlspoke and it’s amazing. I notice that you’ve had a visitor from Sweden. I, too, am from Sweden. David, shall we meet and fuck? But only if you’re a minimum of 5′11″ and very sexy. Or at least not fat with greasy comb over.
Jeez, NOW I notice that this post is like a month and a half old. Sorry about that.
how old is “elderly”?
Never ever use the words “snap” and “erection” within three words of each other. I’m still extremely traumatized about my broken penis.
nothing to add there, this is exactly how i feel.
Snap.
Shhhwwiinnnng!
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