Girlfriend for a Day: The Hollywood Moment
- Wednesday Jan 25,2006 10:04 AM
- By admin
- In general nonsense
Get ready y’all, I’m coming at you with another Girlfriend for a Day offering. I sat down with the marketing department of Spoke Media haggling the details through a working-wine-lunch for 4 hours yesterday. I think they got me to do things I’d normally never do.
And after karaoke we hammered out the final details.
This time we decided to offer some poignant moments to cherish, those kind of moments that last forever in your memory*. All the drama, none of the red carpet screaming fans or expensive cocaine habit. You too can have a Hollywood Moment with me. Why waste the opportunity for a tearful reunion when you can hire me to be there, and really, who wants to be the guy without a gal chasing after the boat as it leaves the docks. Come on say it, “…king of the world…” ok, now shut up.
As always, pick from the following packages.
Package A
The “Tearful Airport Departure” Moment: You’re leaving for a year to live in some 3rd world country to do some sort of humanitarian work. I come with you to the airport wearing a hot skimpy little dress (no panties). We make out by the ticket counter, I even squeeze out a few tears. After you pass through the security we hold our hands up to each others through the bullet proof glass window. As you mouth “Wait for me, I’ll write you everyday, I love yo…”, I’ve already turned around to leave. $99.99
Package B
The “Marry Me” Moment in the Crowded Restaurant: Ever wonder what it feels like to be the center of attention in the middle of a crowded restaurant? Now you can experience it firsthand. You take me out to dinner at an expensive fancy restaurant. We pretend you’re celebrating the promotion you just got but midway through dessert you get down on one knee next to me. I feign surprise, “Oh my gawd! What? Oh oh oh!” You put a big fat diamond ring on my finger, I even squeeze out a few tears. After you come back from paying the check I’m gone. $79.99 **
Package C
The “What Do You Mean You’ve Been Screwing My Sister” Moment in Ikea: This package is for the more sadistic in the bunch. We go shopping at Ikea and somehow it comes out that that you’ve been humping my sis. I make a huge scene and run out knocking over an entire display of Lyckeby and Bumerang. I even squeeze out the requisite tears. You chase after me saying something truly asinine like, “But honey, it only made me realize how much I love you….!” $49.99***
Package D
The “Arriving from Cross Country by Train into NYC for the First Time” Moment: You’ve been travelling for days on a train and you want some hot little number to be there at the train station when you arrive. How better to arrive in NYC? This one’s kinda sticky cause while all the arrangements were made you didn’t pay the additional “In Case of Late Arrival” surcharge. By the time you arrive I’m long gone and the only one squeezing out tears is you. Had the train arrived on time, you would’ve been greeted by me looking like a spring morning that takes your breath away. I would’ve run across the terminal and jumped in your arms, where you would’ve picked me up and swung me around. Then we’d collapse into a passionate kiss while a crowd of onlookers gathers and people start taking pictures. $149.99****
*Cherish these moments forever, add pictures for an additional $99.99
**Cost of ring and dinner additional and non-refundable
***This one is more fun for me than you cause my sis is actually my bro, she’s just pre-op, sorry man.
****In Case of Late Arrival Surcharge: $299.99
16 Comments
I just need to clear up a minor detail before I make my reservations:
Is the “hot skimpy little dress (no panties)” available on all of the packages?
yeah sure chunkks, I’m feeling generous, why not
Wow, I really can’t choose. Do I get a discount if I order them all?
How about some “mini” packages for those of us with short attention spans? Those would have to include the no panties, of course.
I’m just not feeling these deals. To me these all seem like the bargain bin DVD section at Wal-Mart. Just like the movies you find in the bins these scenarios, while a great value, lack substance. Sure they have their parts, but the climax comes to early and the resolution follows immediately after it (much like sex with Meme).
No, no…these will not do. But since you tried I’m going to give you a C+ and the option to rewrite it and submit it to me again for a potentially higher grade.
Ryan, since I created this blog simply to gain your approval and make you like me I will rewrite it for you . Is there anything else i can do for you master?
Sean, um can I make one suggestion? Don’t use “mini” and “package” in the same sentence…it scares me.
Yeah sure JJ, the whole kit and kaboddle: $4999.99
Well, a guy must be very sure of himself to use those two words in the same sentence, wouldn’t you agree Meme?
Ryan’s sure of something alright. I just think he’s the only one. And lay off the teacher metaphors, Ryan; I’m the only teacher around here.
Jenna werent you my kindergarten teacher?
JJ - I did the math, had a friend do the math, sent it away to research labs and waited 4 to 6 weeks for the impending results of the data that I had collected. And the test concluded that there is a 50% chance that Meme’s trying to pull a “Used Car Dealer” on you. Not 100% sure of this, just thought I’d give you the heads up before any transactions occur.
Meme - Since your asked can I come over and do my laundry there? And by do my laundry I mean will you do it for me while I make long distance calls to overseas countries.
Jenna - I will not fall victim to your Jdei Mnid Tkrics.
Actually Ryan, I’m doing Cowboy’s laundry right now. Is it normal to make me wash his clothes while they’re still on him?
If I brought friends, could there be a group discount on the packages?
TAB: you’ll need to wait for the upcoming “Gangbang Girlfriend for a Day“
Hollywood moments? Ha! Without a swirling camera + crane shot during a passionate kiss, it’s not a Hollywood moment, that’s for sure! And what about an appropriate overly dramatic or emotional score for the scene? No, that’s just not right.
Meme, I’d prefer a San Fernando Valley Momment, but I guess I’ll settle for one of these
[...] My blessed PR spun email reply, because at Spoke Media I try to make every reader feel like we care and there is a proper procedure to handle customer complaints, and we really do try our best to get to the bottom of every readers concerns. Dear Sir, Your short email has me worried. Are you getting enough booty at home? Our sites wouldn’t suck so bad if you would get laid now and then. Now I can help you. Just about all of our Girlspokers put out on the first date. And you know we just started offering Girlfriend for a Day at a better reduced price, more nastiness level. You may try this service out. It may make you a less critical jackass. Also sir next time you write an email to me. Please address me not as You, but as Cowboy. It’s my official title with Spoke Media. And I try my best to fulfil my duties there. So please remove your ass hat. And get a life. [...]
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