Nothing is ever as it seems. We all fill our minds with the dream of how things should be only to suffer disappointment when confronted with reality. I try to live in a state of hyper-reality, for example I have a “fat” mirror hanging in my bedroom that way when I get in front of a normal mirror I’m elated.

Another way we disappoint ourselves is by buying into romance novels/movies/soap operas/etc. It’s a dangerous slippery slope, and one I do not recommend. Let me explain with the following photo montage…

The Romantic Kiss

• Everyone who reads romance novels is transported to a place where men with hairdos and buldging biceps wisk you away with every kiss…

• But the reality looks more like this…

The Hollywood Moment

• Some movies pull right at the heart strings. They make you believe that love really does conquer all. Even if it’s a sinking ship.

• Then your grandma Esther and aunt Mabel reenact the scene from the movie and you’re blaming the rocking boat for the overwhelming urge to hurl starboard.

The Fairytale Wedding

• As a woman you are brainwashed into believing your destiny is to spend your life preparing yourself for the day. Your wedding, your told, is the pinnacle of your female life. The day you look the most beautiful, and your future husband, everything you’ve been dreaming for.

• But since you don’t have much to offer your future mate you settle for the first guy that asks.

Hot Lesbian Encounter

• Now, what guy out there doesn’t fantasize about hooking up with two chicks or at least being invited to watch? You’ve seen the pornos…it happens ALL the time, right?

• But seeing that you don’t really know any hot chicks, let alone two that are willing to hook up for you, you take what can get.

So you see, this is a cautionary tale my dear friends. Keep your head firmly planted in reality and learn to love yourself for who you really are, you pathetic useless slob.