According to Omni Brain girls are evil.

Yeah, he may have a mathematical equation behind his hypothesis but come on. I hate to generalize. Not all girls = time and/or money. You know I’m right. So in the spirit of equality I will present my counter-argument. And in the spirit of fairness I will only speak of the men I have dated, since I know not all men are bad, only the ones I have been with. This is a fact.

Now, being the scientifically minded sort and having studied Political Science in college I understand the fundamental importance of random sampling and the standard deviation. In fact, I understand how to model patterns in data, while accounting for randomness and drawing inferences about the larger population. These inferences may take the form of answers to yes/no questions (hypothesis testing), estimates of numerical characteristics (estimation), forecasting of future observations, descriptions of association (correlation), or modeling of relationships (regression). Got that?

Onto the evidence.

Meme’s Exs = Emotional Fucktwats

What is an emotional fucktwat?

• Let’s take a look at Bachelor #1, Meme’s Italian ex-boyfriend Lorenzo. Lorenzo spent his time alone reading Meme’s private diary, searching all the folders in her computer, figuring out her email password and reading all her emails. Emailing all her friends and calling her mother to get more info about her.
• Okay, Bachelor #2, Meme’s Argentinian ex-boyfriend Sandro. Sandro followed Meme around like a puppydog, showing up unannounced at her apartment daily with flowers, calling her every morning just to say ‘good morning’. After 3 weeks of dating he broke down in tears when she told him she was accepted to study at a university abroad for a year.
• Then we’ve got Bachelor #3, The date that never even happened, Trevor. Trevor was excited to meet Meme through a mutual friend. He was able to procure her phone number and called to ask her out on a date. 1/2 hour before the date he calls to cancel because “if we go out, we’ll have a great time, maybe have a few drinks and kiss a little bit, then I’ll ask you out again and it will be even better and my attraction will grow, eventually I will fall for you and you will break my heart.”
• And I can’t forget to add Bachelor #4, Hot New York Summer loving with Jack. Jack and Meme had an amazing first date in the West Village, sparks flew. After 2 more equally fireworks inducing dates Jack calls Meme at work and has a complete breakdown over the phone. She calms him down. They go out again and decide to hop in the sack. Unfortunately Jack cannot keep it up because, surprise surprise, he’s on anti-depressants.

It’s important to mention that this is a true random sampling as I have lived in and dated men from California to New York to Italy and most of these guys were from a multitude of other places. So, suffice it to say, these fucktwats I speak of are not limited to any location/age/race.

Having presented the evidence it is fairly obvious that this random sample can be considered representative of the greater population. Except of course for my good friends that are guys, cause they’re totally awesome.

How’s that for proof? Go take your silly little equation, Omni Brain, and tuck it back into your Pre-Algebra textbook.