All this talk of exes and breakups and being non-attached has really got me thinking:

Is it possible to dump your mother? I know this isn’t exactly in the spirit of the holiday season and all, but I’m really at my wit’s end with my own mom. And, I’m sure I’m not the only one out there feeling this pain. So my logic has brought me here. Is breaking up with your mom possible, and, if so, how would one go about such a thing?

Let’s just run with the premise for a moment and presume that this maternal divorce were possible. What do you think the most common “line” would be?

It’s just not working out?
I’ve met another mom…?
You’re a raging, selfish bitch?
I’ll just post about you on my blog and hope you read it and get the hint…?

And then, once the barrier is broken, how would things be afterward? I mean, would there be visitation rights for family pets? How would the old furniture be split…I mean, I know I didn’t buy that bedroom set, but I have used it for like, most my life. Is that kind of thing going to fly? Even if I can prove that she’s maniacal? How about the lawyers? Would I still get the $399 deal from that guy in the stripmall?

Is it even going to be possible to remain friends? How the hell are we going to act at family parties? Do I lose that entire half of the family when I split with her? Because, I mean, I kind of like my brother quite a bit. It’d be a shame to have to lose him in the mix…

I mean, I’m obviously just fishing around here, because, as usual, I propose more questions than answers for you all. But I can’t help but think that this type of scenario would be possible. I just need to be able to shake this undying guilt complex despite my valiant efforts to patch up something that is quite ready for the scrap heap. So, yeah. If any of you think you’ve got the cure for that one, lay it on me. Muchos grassy-ass and all those pleasantries.

PS. I found that picture on truechristian.com. I couldn’t help myself.