As modern culture continues to hurdle itself into the bosom of modern technology, I find it’s nice to stick one’s head out the window to catch some old-school air every now and again. What better way to curtsy to the past than to take a gander at some retro advertising. And you don’t get much more retro than the monolithic billboard. (Cue Space Odyessy music, please.)

It’s hard to look at the billboard’s history without glancing at its placw with the religious zealots. So, in honor of this stage, I’ll try to poke fun without too much ignorance. (Is that possible?) This was one of my favorites (of the many, Many, MANY):

I don’t really have much to say about this one, other than it made me think of rainbows, bunny rabbits, and unicorns. And those things make me pretty happy.

Moving on…of similar thread, the don’t-have-babies-when-you’re-still-a-baby billboard is another classic. This one subtlely appeals to the younger, bling-speaking population. Very smooth, don’t you think? I’m fully convinced! Don’t marry a guy who can’t afford a big rock!

It’s all about materialism, baby. I mean, no-babies, baby. Err…

Let’s just segue, shall we? Because, I actually don’t understand this one, at all. And remember, I’m not dumb.

Goat milk is for babies? Then why is everyone lying about the tittie fairy coming to visit new mothers? Fucking sham!

And while we’re on the subject of confusion, let’s take a look at this one, allegedly attacking terrorism? Nail? Hammer? Someone in this advertisement department got a little loose with his goose during an all-nighter, don’t you think?

We all know that sex sells, but does it also sell peace? I’m not sure how philosophers and moralists would interpret that one.

And really, the rest all fall into the category of people and their causes. And let me tell you, terrorism, President Bush, & Jesus have got their competition. Firm protests are on the rise for doing away with circumsicion and Chiropractors:

I’m not one to call the kettle black, but aren’t there better things to be concerned with? I’ve heard about chiropractors being called quacks and all that, but unless I’ve heard the dark truth unveiled in Freakonomics, I’m not liable to believe it from a damn billboard. Unless it evokes images of rainbows and unicorns, of cousre.

I could go on, namely to talk about how British tourism seems keen on recruiting gay men to its country, but there simply is not enough time in the day, nor storage space on our hosting account for all these damn pictures. But seriously, about the gay men; is there a shortage in the UK? Are there riots? Sounds intriguing doesn’t it? And I’m not even a gay man! Sweet success!