Yet another thing has happened to put me off of online dating and this time for good. Picture it; you see a guy who you think is just soooooo super sexy and you send him a free smile. He replies, you chat and find out that he is incredibly intelligent, respectful, has a great career and a great sense of humor. What could be better?? He likes your pics, takes the time to read your work and sings your praises even though what you do seems small and pointless in comparison to the wonderful and honorable things he does for a living (sorry, no specifics). You decide that you are going to meet. Then, the next time you chat you can tell that things seem a little off and that the tone of the chat has changed. Why? I’ll tell ya’ why!! He has developed some sort of paranoid notion that I may be a man. Yes — A MAN!!!!!!!!!!

He clearly sees that the person in the pics is a female, but believes that he may be chatting with a man who is posing as a woman and has simply created this “Adrie the sex writer” persona all in the name of a career! What the f#ck???

I laughed it off and told him to call me so that he could hear my voice, which he did. While I do not have the most high-pitched girly voice; I certainly don’t sound like a guy — that I know of anyway. We only spoke for a sec before his other phone rang and he had to go. The next time we chatted he said that he was no longer worried that I was packin’ a penis and that he still wanted to meet, yet I still sensed hesitation. The next day arrived and went on without any word until the time we were actually supposed to meet for coffee. Only then did he log on to let me know that something came up at work and that he couldn’t make it. That’s it. My imaginary dick seems to have scared him off of MSN as well cuz’ he hasn’t been online since.

Having to have this conversation with someone at all was already bad enough, but the fact that he didn’t truly seem convinced after speaking to me? Oh my God! I’m crushed, horrified and mortified!

I can understand being a little paranoid if you’ve been burned. I have been told by a few people that the whole men-posing-as-women thing is kinda’ common on dating sites. What can they possibly be thinking? That they can get a man to fall in love with their personality so when they do finally meet that maybe the unannounced arrival of a penis won’t matter? I dunno. What I do know is that I am NOT one of those people and that I am really disappointed and bordering on offended now! Someone out there thinks I’m a man!! Eeeewwww!! It’s even worse that this someone seemed so promising and was just so yummy. Daaammmnnnn.

Note to said guy: You were partially right when you said I seemed to good to be true. I am too good, but am definitely true: truly a good person, truly cute, truly uninhibited with the right guy and truly 100% female with a truly immaculately groomed vagina and the closest thing I have to a penis is a truly pink, girly vibrator! (see pic)

I am also truly sorry that you have opted not to see these things for yourself because I truly believe that you would have been truly impressed.

** Would a man ever feel this hurt by a virtual stranger?? I think not! **