Oh man—this is such a funny coincidence that I can hardly wrap my sex-filled little brain around it!

So, in the days leading up to my birthday I begin to have some anxiety about the age thing. Add that to the fact that I have been horny as all hell lately and you’ve got a girl in need of a fix. Though turning to a fine, powdery white substance–like Britney Spears–would probably give me the skinny body I crave, (she didn’t look that fat at the VMA’s!) I opted for something more wholesome—cupcakes and Chinese food.

This is a huge deal as I haven’t had Chinese food since that faithful day back in…well… I don’t know what month; when I found out that the love of my life had just gotten himself a Chinese mail-order bride of sorts. That news came just as the delivery guy rang from downstairs with my Chinese food. But that’s not the point.

Anyhow, I eat the meal as I watch YouPorn to try and fight off the reality that said love preferred some stranger to adorable and incredibly-great-with-my-lips me. I get to the end of the meal, waddle over to the kitchen and reach for a fortune cookie which I cling to as if my destiny really depends on it. (Note that by now my 2 glasses of wine have already begun to kick in) My hands tremble as I crack the cookie open—almost gagging cuz’ I’m so fucking full. I pull out the little paper and expect some wise insight from Confucius and find that my fortune reads:

“Chinese food is your fuel for life”

I shit you not!

Chinese food? That’s what will nourish my soul?? Not “love” or “kindness” or even “passion”???

This is just as funny as it is pathetic. Funny because I just got shit from a reader last week who got all cunty about my Fuel For Life blogs and pathetic because according to Confucius; my destiny holds nothing more than some greasy take out and quite possibly another cranky email from that reader for mentioning Fuel For Life again.

** Just as soon as I figure out how to upload pics off my new camera; I will post a pic of the fortune just so you can all see it for yourselves!!

PS - Thank you all for the b-day wishes! Muuuuwaaaah!