Seasons greeting my peeps! My apologies for the hiatus, but my “stewardess” training has been quite consuming as of late. So far things are going well and I expect that they will continue that way until my graduation in two weeks.

Though I have been pretty wiped out by class and some other paying writing gigs, I have managed to gather up some juicy Girlspoke-worthy stuff for you thanks to the male characters that frequent my life—even if only for 15 minutes or simply online. So let’s get right to my bitch-fest!

Facebook is finally serving some purpose as a tool to re-connect with people from my past. It’s has been incredible how many guys from my past have been in touch and how sweet they all seem to still be. I’ve been in contact with the boy with whom I shared my first kiss in elementary school. He was lovely and I remember his smile as if it were yesterday, which could be because he still has the same sweet smile. He was the cutest and most popular boy in school who made me want to wake up a whole 15 minutes early each day to make sure that my hair was just so. Still a sweetheart; he admitted to having had the same crazy feelings for me back then. Sadly our “romance” only lasted a couple of weeks—my fault—but the memories have proven priceless just the same.

I have also been in touch with a boy who sported a mullet back when they were cool. He was someone that I became friends with somewhere along the course of junior high. He was not only cute, but a genuinely good guy and oh so much fun to talk to. I can admit now that I had a crush on him, but alas, so did one of my classmates who I think may even have “gone with him” at one point. I couldn’t step on her toes like that. Damn these morals! I am pleased to report that he is divorced (bad for him, great for the female population) and looking hotter than ever!

Wondering where the dirt is? Getting tempted to send me to Oprah and tell me to fuck off? No need. Here comes the dirt…

I have also rekindled my acquaintance with someone I had a crush on for quite sometime. I remember first being drawn to his big blue eyes because they looked so sweet and had an endearing puppy dog quality to them. We had started chatting at work and I quickly came to realize that he had a naughty streak—jackpot!!! Outside factors got in the way and we never did get anywhere, but every time I would pass him in the halls over the next few years, things would get all warm and damp and the urge to know what dirty little secret lurked behind those eyes never quite seemed to go away. As you can imagine, I was tickled-in-my-pink to find him on Facebook and even more aroused to get an email from him expressing his feelings from way back when. We began doing the instant messaging thing and things quickly turned naughty with all-nighters online and having the type of cyber sex that would put the likes of Seymour Butts to shame. We all know that I love a man who can give good chat so I was pretty excited about hooking up in person. I can tell you that it never did happen… a long story… one that I am still waiting to hear. But, don’t feel bad for me my readers, oh no, cuz’ I realize now that hooking up would likely have ended in embarrassment—for him. You see, I did finally get to the bottom of the veiled naughtiness behind his eyes and he really is a highly erotic individual—possibly a little too sexually evolved even for a saucy minx like myself! How is that possible you ask? The answer is simple; two words: bodily fluids.

I get the whole spooge thing and as much as the idea makes me throw up in my mouth a little, I do understand that men have a special attachment to their spunk and enjoy watching a gal take it in as if it were the wine at the last supper. It’s the other bodily fluid that he gets off on has no place in his mouth or anyone else’s and most certainly not mine! OK wait, that was a little judgmental and I do believe that to each is own, but the idea of kissing someone who has enjoyed the occasional cup o’ pee, as I do my morning java, makes me wanna hurl!! I am open-minded. I am cool. I am pretty horny these days, but a pee-er or pee-on I am not. I’m sorry. Had he stepped up to the plate and actually had the spine to go through with a “live” date, the chances are good that our end-of-the-night kiss would have had me gagging profusely.

Bottoms up! Oops – I meant have a good weekend.